We have been socialsed to believe that we need external sources to find acceptance, peace, and to be happy. The most profound healing occurs within you, once you realise that you do not need to earn the right to be loved. You need not behave in a certain manner, speak in a certain way, express only the emotions you think will be “acceptable” in order to be worthy of Love. The cost of sacrificing your true sacred spirit, in exchange for the illusion of “being liked, being approved of, being accepted and being loved” is unsustainable.
It is unsustainable for two reasons 1) You can only lie to yourself for so long, before your body starts to rebel and express the true emotions you are feeling underneath all the people pleasing; and 2) Your dependence on others or external sources for having your needs met, has an expiry date.
Only once we truly love ourselves, can we love another being completely. When we cultivate love within ourselves, and we no longer need an external source of love and acceptance ~ we find a sustainable inner peace. The more we cultivate the garden of love in our hearts, the abundance of growth sprouts a forest! In this space, we have an abundance of love to share with ourselves, our families, our friends, and the world at large.
The 8 golden keys to unconditional Self-Love
- Boundaries: Set very clear boundaries in your world. Say Yes when you mean yes. Say no when you mean no. No explanations needed. A boundary is an invitation to experiences you DO want to experience in your world. Once we are clear on our boundaries, we have very little internal conflict. Making space for Love and peace to reside within. Choose how much longer you are prepared to stay in a space of fear? Unhappiness? Discontent?
- Self Acceptance: Accepting ALL of yourself is the key to personal freedom, and allowing others to be on their path, and their own journey. The more you resist an aspect within you, which you are judging, resenting, in denial of, or criticizing ~ the more it will persist by showing up in your life. We resent in others, that which we are unable to tolerate within ourselves. Once we bring our shadows into the light, we find acceptance, peace and love All around us~ within us, and surrounding us.
- Gift yourself the liberation of Letting go! Forgiveness allows you to be completely free of the limitations of self-punishment. Let go of all the decisions and choices you have made in your past, let go of self-blame, resentments towards others. When we hold unto past hurts or wounds we have been “victim” to, and we are waiting for our transgressor to apologise, or shift their behaviour, so we can have closure ~ we may wait forever. This is another example of giving your power away to an external locus of control. Your past “mistakes” are path-markers for guidance, do not allow them to define you. Integrate the lessons as wisdoms, allowing yourself to move forward in Love.
- Be kind to yourself ~ in thoughts, words, and behaviour. Speak kindly of yourself, to yourself and to others. Replace words like stupid or idiot ~ with intelligent / wise being; can not or have to ~ replace with “I choose to or choose not to because I have decided to….”. Make sure to praise yourself for accomplishments, big or small. Shift your self-talk to a positive life affirming one, and watch how your behaviour will automatically become loving, creative and productive.
- Honour your truth ~ stay true to your feelings. When you are feeling an emotion, express it in constructive and creative ways. You have a right to your feelings, listen to them, honour them. It is only when we ignore or repress our emotions, that they come out in destructive patterns or in the shadow aspect. Honour your own rhythms. We live in the 21 century! If you are your most productive in the evening ~ align your career with one that is attuned to the same times or choose a job with flexi-time. Honour your body. Listen to its messages, feed your body with food that energizes, cleanses, and nourishes it. Move your body, it is the body’s medicine! Take your body for a walk, yoga class or run. Choose the type of exercise that you enjoy! Honour your Soul. Feed your soul with soul-food: positive, inspiring news and information, walk in the forest, meditate, dance, share the company of other like-minded conscious people. Honour your Free Child/ Divine Child ~ let her play, run free, laugh until the joyous tears stream down her face and her belly aches. When was the last time you rolled down a grassy hill? Or built a sandcastle? Be clear on your value system. Speak your truth to yourself first, and the rest will follow effortlessly!
- Fall in-love with yourself ~ its sustainable, you can not be separated from you. Life becomes magical when you are IN Love. In Dr. Wayne Dyer’s wise words “ You can not be lonely, if you like the person you are alone with”
- Quality me-time ~ spending time with yourself is profoundly important. Check in with yourself every day. Have a tea with yourself. Allow yourself to bask in the delightful simple joys of life. Be in stillness at least an hour each day, disengaged from any stimuli, such as books, the internet, music, or your phone- switch it off.
- Be discerning. Honour your sacred space. Be discerning of whom you choose to share your energy with. Spend time in the company of the unconditional love of animals and children. When we are anchored in our heart, discernment is crystal clear.
Image courtesy of ST Photography