Close encounters with Epiphany.

A break-through story from the couch.

I’m curious to know if you have ever had a close encounter with an Epiphany? 

That moment when you discover the root cause of a pattern of experiences in your life?
It’s like a domino effect. Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fall together, in an instant, you understand the why behind the experience, you understand your reactions to certain situations, and finally, you get it! 
It feels joyously liberating, freeing and empowering.

We can only change that which is acknowledged. And whilst the Ephiny lays waiting for discovery in the shadow of the unconscious, we just autopilot in life, love, and leadership. 

This domino awakening is instantaneous, yet the journey to the discovery takes some inner work, the courage to face some hard questions, and staying present with what emerges in your inner world. At times memories surface, at times dreams become the luminary catalyst.

I wanted to share such a story from my proverbial ‘couch’. In full transparency
1. ‘the couch’ is more like a zoom call with my client on her comfy couch in Europe, and me in South-Africa at my standing desk ??‍?
2. for the purposes of anonymity (all my private sessions are held in within the sacred boundaries of confidentiality), we will call my client Rachel and;
3. Rachel gave me permission to share her Epiphany, as it may just relate to your life too. ?

Rachel and I have been working together in my 1:1 sessions. Her current challenge is working through the ‘good girl’ archetype which shows up at work and in her personal life.  She has discovered how she “people pleases” through taking on extra workloads, not speaking up for herself in her personal life. Rachel is in the process of empowering her voice, getting clear on what she truly wants, and dismantling the ‘not trusting and therefore controlling everything’ coping strategies she has. 

Rachel is a super efficient, hard-working women. She excels at work, takes on new challenges, has 20 balls in the air, trains new assistants, manages hundreds of e-mails in seconds. Highly focused on the details, and expects excellence from everyone around her. She finds herself wanting to control every tiny detail of her environment. This makes her feel safe, valuable, super-efficient and seen. 

She doesn’t give herself space to make a mistake, or to breathe. Her value is derived from the high-level work she delivers. In this way, she is the ‘good girl’. The immense pressure she places on herself comes at a high cost. 

She’s been running on full steam for years now and has found herself exhausted, overwhelmed, highly stressed, short of patience, and her body is starting to say a hard NO. She knows that this lifestyle is not sustainable and that full out burn-out is looming in the near horizon. 

In each session, we journey deeper into uncovering the root cause, and last week we struck gold!!! Rachel had a vivid memory from childhood. She remembered that when she was 6 years old, her mother got very angry with her for losing the sticky tape end marker. From the 6-year-old perspective, looking up at your caregiver, seeing her disapproval, her anger and disappointment is a defining moment.

Since all children self-reflect, at that moment little Rachel decided that controlling the little details in life is what will keep authority figures happy, and in order to do this, you have to be the good girl. She also decided that focussing on the little details is a life or death matter. It is serious business because if you do lose track of the little things, you will lose affection, value, worthiness, and belonging. 

When Rachel retrieved this memory, the emotions rushing through her body was vivid, and visceral – as if she was reliving the fear of that moment. 
And in a way, she was. The subconscious mind can not tell the difference between time and space, and when we remember these moments, all the thoughts and its associated feelings will come rushing back since it has crystalized in the body.  Neurons which fire together wire together.
So, when Rachel grew up, the neutrons in her brain will automatically try to find the same wire-frame for other experiences like this one. And she will begin to repeat the pattern.  

The truth is that all mothers are doing their best, as Rachel’s mother was doing at that moment. When we uncover a defining moment such as this one, it is easy to defer blame and then anger at the mother. And this is where we can get stuck. This is a misplaced focus and handing over your power to the mother. 
If we want true transformation in changing the pattern, the focus needs to be on little Rachel who told herself a story about that moment, and giving her permission to let that story of unworthiness go. Giving her a new perspective of a mother who was doing her best, and a little girl who chooses a different narrative which supports, nourishes and keep her aligned with her authenticity. 

The new story may be a balance between striving for excellence with joy and creativity. That it’s not about focussing on the how but rather the what of accomplishment. Different people may arrive differently at the same result. 

Rachel is learning how to Let Go of the need to control and leaning into the vulnerable space of trust. She is practicing self-compassion in her internal dialogue, instead of hearing the internal critical parent ego state telling her “how bad she is, and what she should be doing”.  

When Rachel connected the dots between her break-down at work about her colleague not attributing the same importance to details as she does, to the sticky tape marker memory – it was a profound moment.
These are the epiphanies which liberate us!!! And these are the moments I absolutely LOVE facilitating. 

In this awakening, we can start making new choices, and change the pattern to one which is sustainable, more fulfilling, gives space for authentic expression and true connection in interpersonal relationships.  
??Less stress ?? more energy;
??Less control ?? freedom;
??Less self-sabotage ?? best-self living.  

Finding the root cause of our patterns of behaviour is the key to a sustainable change of behaviour. Merely changing your thoughts will not be sufficient! Without uprooting this pattern of thinking and belief, any superficial change will revert back to autopilot.  

We all have our own stories we told ourselves in childhood, we are unique in creating them. Make sure the narrative you are living is one which supports your authentic self, ignites meaningful experiences, nourishes your wellbeing and opens the door to heart-centred connection with those around you.

The heroine’s journey is a process of alchemy.
?Transforming pain in power; wounds into wisdom; and ultimately the lead into Gold!
Feeling gracious gratitude for the gift of serving women around the globe. It is such a JOY to be able to facilitate women’s personal development and authentic leadership in the online space. It allows me to connect with women who are in different time zones, in different countries, some in the city, some on exotic islands! 

My favourite moment is doing a happy dance with my clients when we’ve struck gold in the break-through moment of our journey together. 

If you are called to expand in personal growth or you are needing support for a current challenge – I have 2 spots available at the moment! 

You can contact me on to book your space or read more about the process HERE

Looking forward to sharing Epiphanies with you! <3